Story #160

I was born and removed from my mother (She was Black and I was White, black women did not know how to raise mixed blood babys in the 50's) discarded twice before I was 1 month old and then adopted. Before I was 7 the lesson that parents lie, as do police and that I was stupid, useless and not worth spending any time on was well ingrained. The incidents that taught me that still haunt me some 50years latter. My heart leaks constantly as the video runs through my mind. I look back and see No happy memories in my early years and as memories are what make us who we are I am a very unhappy adult. A parasitic microbial disease that is caught from the common cat was discovered in my system when I was 7. It has the power to change ones mood and destroy eye sight. My spine has deteriorated as arthritis and osteoporosis set in, the outcome is walking aids and constant pain. The 350>500mgs of Morphine I consumed daily only sedated me, so that I didn't give a dam about the pain. My hip want's to seize every time I move position and the nerve sends electric jolts down my leg of such power and intensity that I almost scream out loud. I do when it wakens me from my sleep, my neighbours are not happy. The constant 24/7 black dog of depression barks at my heals never-endingly. I am so so so tired. Now 55, can't work, can’t walk without mechanical aids, can't go out during the daylight as lights hurt my eyes, reading makes my eyes ake and now the money has run out and medication is beyond reach. I live on my bathroom floor as it is well drained; my mattress is double coated rubber and the hose is within easy reach. Pain is now my lover and permanent partner. Laughs, Oh I so much want a divorce. I could call for help, but it just aint me. My ancestors in the not too distant past when it was their time they wandered off from the people so that they might die. I can’t wander but I can shut myself off from those around me. I pray that a worn out older soul is allowed the dignity to go back to dust. It is time to hit the button. So shoot me someone, hell if I was a dog I would of been put down years ago. Shoot Me Please.

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I, m hearing you mate! I feel the same with my situation, very similar!
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